Does accepting our kids choices imply approval?
by Rabbi Moshe Don Kestenbaum for aish.com
There it was, a plastic sparkly blue hat, and my two year old son found his treasure. He just loves hats.
My
wife was away and I am getting my children ready to go to the pizza
shop for supper and my son insists on wearing his new blue hat. His two
older brothers would have nothing to do with it. We are not going if he
wears that hat. I, on the other hand, was completely at peace with it.
There was no reason to be embarrassed for no one could suspect me of
choosing his getup.When your child is two it’s relatively easy not to be embarrassed by their choice of attire, but what about when he or she is 12 or older? Then it’s not as simple.
Clothing is a common source of tension in many homes. Parents and their teens often bicker over acceptable mode of dress. We really have to take a moment and ask ourselves: Is it worth the fight?
The first thing I suggest we do is introspect into the true motivation behind our battle. Are we fighting because we feel it is unhealthy for the child to dress this way or is it because we are embarrassed about what our neighbors and friend will say? This takes a great deal of self honesty but if we do come to the recognition that it is really our pride that we are worried about, then we are probably better off forgoing our pride for the sake of our relationship with our child.
If we are not prepared to forgo our honor, then I suggest we at least be honest with our child and tell him that we feel uncomfortable when he or she dresses this way and not hide behind another agenda. When parents preach that which is not in line with their true motivation, their children can sense the falsehood and it hurts their ability to trust and listen to their parents down the road.
Now let say you allow your child to dress in a way that bothers you, (or he doesn’t give you much of a choice) how are we going to deal with this situation going forward?
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