Begin with Passion

A conversation with Mitchell B. Reiss, President, Washington College, Chestertown, MD for Reform Judaism

What is the best advice you can give a high school student who's deciding on a college and a career?
You're not going to be very successful or very happy unless you're really enthusiastic about what you're doing.

If you don't yet know where your passion lies, take a cue from the French, who have the expression, "The appetite comes with the eating." In other words, in higher education you can sometimes find your passion by taking a variety of different courses. This is one of the great advantages of a liberal arts education: it allows you to try different courses and see if you might like something you don't imagine you would.

Finding your purpose in life is what a great undergraduate experience is all about. The best colleges help students find that passion. I believe a liberal arts institution can do this better than any other model on the planet.

About a third of young people are getting jobs in industries that didn't exist 10 years ago. How do you educate students for jobs that don't yet exist?
You teach them transcendent skill sets, the most important of which is how to think critically, dissect, and analyze situations. Communicating effectively both in writing and in speech is another essential skill we emphasize. We also stress that possessing these skills is necessary but not sufficient; students also need to develop the moral courage to speak up when they believe something is wrong. Take some of the great mistakes over the last decade-the BP oil disaster, the Penn State sex scandal, the presumption of WMDs in Iraq-in each instance, individuals knew that something wasn't right or that misstatements were being made, but nobody spoke up and it led to disaster. In teaching the importance of ethics, integrity, and character, we hope that our graduates will go out into the world with the discernment to make judgments for themselves and the moral courage to act on them by speaking up even when it's unpopular to do so.

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Should we shut up or stand up when celebs slur 'the Jews’?

When Miley Cyrus and Kanye West let anti-Semitic comments slip, plenty of people actually believe them.

By Yael Miller / Jewish World blogger for Haaretz
It hasn’t been a great couple of months for the Jews. First Miley Cyrus freaks out about old Jewish men being out of touch with teens, a U.S. councilwoman-elect implies that Jewish people might have reason for being randomly punched, and of course, Kanye West’s tirade. Just a few weeks ago, he went on record saying:

"Man, let me tell you something about George Bush and oil money and Obama and no money. People want to say Obama can't make these moves or he's not executing. That's because he ain't got those connections ... Black people don't have the same level of connections as Jewish people. Black people don't have the same connections as oil people."

Pardon me, Kanye, but I didn’t realize all Jewish people have such insane connections, more than — wait for it — the president of the United States of America. Excuse me a moment while I make a few phone calls and work my way to the CEO of Cisco Systems, or better yet, Apple.

West has been getting a lot of media attention, being derided for his “classic anti-Semitism,” and, on the other end of the spectrum, urged not to apologize.

It’s unclear as to whether all this hype is good or bad for the Jews. In a Daily Beast article last week, one woman implored fellow Jews to “stop trying to make people shut up” - particularly when it comes to debates on Israel. But is she right? Would we be better off trying to keep everyone quiet or let them rant and rave so as not to quell public debate?

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Teenage nominees sought for Jewish awards

Based on the Jewish concept of tikkun olam, or “repair of the world,” the Diller Teen Tikkun Olam Awards seek to recognize teens who are exceptional role models in their communities and beyond. The Awards celebrate teens who have demonstrated remarkable leadership and are actively engaged in projects which embody the values of tikkun olam. Teen projects may benefit the Jewish community or the general community.

Up to fifteen selected teens, five from California and ten from other communities across the country, will each be acknowledged for their visionary actions with an award of $36,000, to be used to further their philanthropic work or their education.
Learn more about the nomination and application process or go directly to the nomination form, or application form.

Q&A for Teens: Grandpa in Decline

by Lauren Roth for Aish.com

Dear Lauren,

My grandfather is getting old and is slowing down physically and mentally. He used to have such a booming presence, and now he seems shrunken and weak in his chair. I know it pains him to be so trapped in himself like that. I know he wants to be the leader of the family again. I hate how everyone talks down to him, unintentionally, of course; even I can't deny he gets confused sometimes. I want him to know how proud I am of him, how much I love him, how much I worry about him. I cry after every get-together; it's so hard to watch. My anxiety comes out most when I think about things like this. God is my only comfort, but even with Him I feel confused, and that bothers me too. I know it all makes sense somehow, and God is in control...but why is all this fair? I know it's the cycle of life...I know I'm not the first kid to worry about her grandfather...but I’m scared. Please help.

Lauren Roth's Answer

It’s scary when the strong presences in our lives become weaker, and “go the way of all flesh.” Remember the second law of thermodynamics from physics: things of this physical world inevitably go towards entropy—towards greater disorder. Physical systems inevitably break down. Your grandfather’s physical and mental decline is part of the natural order of things.

When my friend lost her father, she told me, “Of course I miss him. I miss him every day. But we had a wonderful life together. And that is a life well-lived.” Nobody lives forever and no state of being lasts forever, even though we want it to. The question is: what do we do with the time we have?

I think you should tell your grandfather everything you want to say. Tell him all the points you mentioned in your question: tell him how and why you are proud of him, tell him how much you love him, tell him you know he doesn’t feel as strong as he did before, but that you still respect him the same as you did before. Whether he understands what you’re telling him or not, you’ll feel better for having said it out loud to him.

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Israeli Zombies Hit the Big Screen

 When an Israeli Defense Forces special ops unit heads to Lebanon to capture a Hezbollah leader, they're expecting trouble. But not in the form they find it.

Welcome to Cannon Fodder, Israel's first-ever zombie movie. The 94-minute film (in Hebrew and English, with English subtitles), which began as the BFA thesis of friends Eitan Gafny and Tom Goldwasser, features some grotesque special effects, and a suitably metal soundtrack.

Cannon Fodder boasts the bleak scenery, dark humor, and fast-paced sense of danger of traditional war films, but it's the unique and unexpected combination of meticulously choreographed zombie mayhem and political commentary that's been delighting fans and winning awards (including Best Feature Film at the Fright Night Film Fest, Louisville, KY) around the country. Cannon Fodder is the first action/horror film to be sponsored by the prestigious Israeli Film Fund—and, we suspect, the first Israeli film production to have used 40 gallons of fake blood.

- Elizabeth Michaelson for Jewniverse

Effort to remember Holocaust blossoms in Squirrel Hill

It took 4 1/2 years to collect 6 million pop tabs that form a Squirrel Hill memorial to victims of the Holocaust

By Robert Zullo / Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

At first, it was just a simple way to study a staggering statistic.

Searching for a means to give both his students and himself a way to come to grips with the 6 million Jews killed by Germany's Nazi regime and its collaborators between 1933 and 1945, Bill Walter, a middle school social studies teacher at Community Day School in Squirrel Hill, borrowed an idea from a school in Illinois.

Starting in 1996, Mr. Walter's students began collecting pop tabs from cans, one for each of the victims of the Holocaust, the systematic genocide of European Jews. The Nazis also killed hundreds of thousands of others judged inferior, including Roma, Slavs, the disabled and homosexuals.

"The pop tabs each represent a human being discarded and tossed aside without a second thought," Mr. Walter said.

In a month, they had collected nearly 25,000 and Mr. Walter thought the project was moving along well until some quick math revealed it would be two decades before they had enough at that pace.

So the endeavor blossomed into a school-wide project at the private, pre-K-through-eighth-grade Jewish school and soon tabs were pouring in from around the world.

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Lauren Yellen Stands Up for Detroit

TEEN HEROES

By Suzanne Kurtz Sloan

WASHINGTON (JTA) — When Lauren Yellen was in second grade, she met a girl with cerebral palsy who was mute. As a bat mitzvah, Yellen decided to raise money for a specially trained dog to help the girl.

The experience, she said, made her “realize the importance of helping people in general.”

Now a high school senior in Farmington Hills, Mich., Yellen serves as a regional president of BBYO and is the driving force behind a Stand UP drive to help rebuild the city of Detroit. Launched in 2009, Stand UP is the youth organization’s initiative to empower teens to develop community service campaigns.

“Despite the reputation it may have via the media, we understand that [Detroit] is a city filled with endless opportunities,” Yellen said. “Most of us want to change the world one day and, in the city, every little positive thing has an even greater impact on our larger community.”

Yellen has organized field trips for suburban teens to plant trees in the city, visit the Eastern Market (a four-block farmers’ market), attend Major League Baseball games and visit the only still-standing synagogue in Detroit.

“Seeing the cool things that the city has to offer is important to building a strong Detroit and helping out the community,” Yellen said.

The oldest of four siblings, she plans to attend Northern Michigan University next year and would like to study political science and international relations. When her studies are done, she said, “I hope to come back to Detroit and bring hope back to the city.”

JTA spoke to Yellen recently about her biggest influences, her first time in Israel and one of her favorite community service projects.

Who or what are the biggest influences in your life?

The positive work that I’m seeing in the community is my biggest influence.

What have been some of the most meaningful Jewish experiences in your life?

During my sophomore year, I was able to raise enough money to participate in the March of the Living. That was my first time in Israel. [To experience] the progression of the Jewish people, from the concentration camps to Israel, it was super cool.

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The Truth About Pilgrims and Maccabees

By Deanna Mirsky

Did the Pilgrims celebrate Hanukkah? No. Did they know about it, and the Maccabees? Certainly.

THEY STUDIED ALL THE TIME

This gathering of families later called Pilgrims studied, sang psalms, celebrated thanksgivings and endured fasts. The community answered only to its “gathered” members (and reluctantly to its funders).

Plymouth’s literacy was phenomenal: estate inventories from the period before 1660 show that 60-80 percent of households left books. So many books that we don’t begin to have a complete list, because they were often counted as “other small books.”

The Pilgrims were tremendous Bible readers. Their usual text was the Geneva Bible, produced by English Protestant exiles. King James knew that Geneva’s marginal notes and translation choices were full of references to wicked kings and tyrants. Most of the King James translation matches Geneva, but carefully toned down.

The Hanukkah texts aren’t biblical, but Maccabees and Judith were often printed between the “Old” and “New” Testaments, and at least one Geneva Bible at Plymouth included them. Josephus and its fabulous 10th-century derivative, Josippon, were full of heroic material about Judas Maccabeus, available in English and Latin, and were wildly popular among Christians and Jews. Because psalms replaced fixed prayers at Plymouth, our colonists would have known the Hallel psalms sung at Hanukkah well.

THEY LOVED HEBREW

Amazingly, at least two colonists knew Hebrew: Governor William Bradford and Plymouth elder (and teacher) William Brewster, who had run a printing press that published Puritan books and tracts for reshipment to England.

The separatists were in Holland between 1608 and 1620; a year in Amsterdam, then in Leiden, at just the time a Jewish community was forming in Holland. (It is tempting to imagine contacts and to think that Bradford and Brewster learned at the feet of Jews.)

Bradford may have studied Hebrew at Cambridge, and Brewster certainly did. Bradford resumed his study of Hebrew in Plymouth, and his Hebrew exercises and dictionary are bound together with the Of Plimouth Plantation manuscript. More Hebrew is found in the manuscript of another work, his Third Dialogue.

There were many accomplished Christian Hebraists by the 16th century. Printing had enabled cheap production of Bibles and religious works, and made Hebrew texts increasingly available. Hebrew was sacred for Protestants, who saw themselves as the “new Israel.” Followers of John Calvin made ceaseless efforts to create faithful translations and to understand and recreate early Jewish life. Hebrew was a required subject for ministers in (officially) Jew-free England.

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J.D. Salinger's Jewish Roots

Although J.D. Salinger's most widely-known character is Catcher in the Rye's Holden Caulfield, his most enduring characters may prove to be Seymour Glass, the protagonist of two of his other books, and the other Glass siblings.

Like the 7 Glass kids, Salinger was the son of a Jewish father and an Irish Catholic mother. His paternal grandfather was a rabbi who emigrated from Lithuania to Louisville, Kentucky, where he served at a local shul. His father, Sol Salinger, was a kosher cheesemonger, and his mother, Marie Jillich, never properly converted, though she changed her name to Miriam when she married in order to pass as Jewish. Salinger didn't even find out about her Catholic upbringing until shortly after his bar mitzvah.

Like Seymour, Salinger also wrestled with his Jewish and Catholic identities. At the McBurney School, a now-shuttered elite Manhattan private school, he was bullied for being Jewish, and told people to call him Jerry instead of the more Jewish-sounding Jerome. Problems persisted, and he was transferred to Valley Forge Military Academy. However, his new schoolmates weren't much better than his old ones, and his experiences there proved excellent fodder for Catcher in the Rye—which still sells 200,000 copies a year.

- Matthue Roth for Jewniverse

How to Throw a Bargain Bat Mitzvah

By Stephanie Sylverne for Kveller

My daughter studied Hebrew for four years, giving up free time after school and many weekend slumber parties in pursuit of Jewish knowledge. After all that effort, she wanted a fabulous party to mark the occasion of finally being called to the bimah as a bat mitzvah.

And I wanted to give her one. She’d worked hard for it. But I didn’t have a savings account marked “bat mitzvah” set aside, nor did I have tens of thousands of dollars open on credit cards. I’m sure that many parents must save for this from the moment they get a positive pregnancy test, but I was a very young parent, a single one until she was in elementary school, and for most of her life I had been struggling to finish college and pay the bills. I wanted my daughter to have a Jewish education. But I couldn’t take out a mortgage to do it.

I was supposed to be excited about this milestone, but as it drew ever closer, all I felt was dread. It became a chore, an obligation, a source of massive anxiety, not a joy. I wanted nothing to do with the words “bat mitzvah” anymore. And that broke my heart.

So after months of agonizing, I made a decision. I was not going to spend a lot on this bat mitzvah. And I was not going to feel guilty about it either.

B’nai mitzvah celebrations are synonymous with overspending, which often worked against me when I began looking for a place to host hers. The moment the words “bat mitzvah” slipped from my lips, vendors thought (probably from past experience) that this was going to be a free-for-all.

I watched their faces turn from eagerness to annoyance when I declined all the extras they threw at us–did we need a team of trapeze artists to provide entertainment between courses? Perhaps the London Symphony Orchestra could perform entrance music? Would our teenage guests prefer the $150 organic free range chicken or beef in their heirloom mushroom sauce? Or we could have a separate buffet that would serve chicken nuggets for the bargain price of $75 each kid. We could add an ice cream bar for an additional $10 a head and unlimited soda refills for another $8. We could bring our own cake from an outside bakery for dessert but it would be $3 a slice to cut it, even if it’s already cut, and if we want the cake they provide instead, it would also cost $3 a slice.

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NFTY Helps Teens With Hanukkah Pointers

Hanukkah, meaning "dedication" in Hebrew, refers to the joyous eight-day celebration during which Jews commemorate the victory of the Macabees over the armies of Syria in 165 B.C.E. and the subsequent liberation and "re-dedication" of the Temple in Jerusalem. The modern home celebration of Hanukkah centers around the lighting of the chanukiah, a special menorah for Hanukkah; unique foods, latkes and jelly doughnuts; and special songs and games.

Take a look at our Hanukkah resources, we hope they will help make your holiday a memorable one!

Hanukkah 101

What does Hanukkah mean? How do you light a menorah? Get answers to your questions and find delicious recipes for celebrating.

Learn the Blessings for each Night of Hanukkah
Learn the Hanukkah blessings for each night. Find printable blessing and listen to audio versions here!

Video: Learn how to make latkes
Tina Wasserman, author of the acclaimed Jewish cookbook "Entree to Judaism", demonstrates how to make potato latkes.

Light our Virtual Menorah with your Family!
Choose a night of Hanukkah to view the blessings. Then close the blessing and light the candles!

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A Diary of the Nazi Years

After a Gestapo raid on May 27, 1942, Victor Klemperer wrote in his diary that the journal's discovery "undoubtedly" would have meant death. "But," the journalist and scholar vowed, "I shall go on writing. That is my heroism. I will bear witness, precise witness." The surviving volumes—a 1st-person account spanning the entire Nazi era—are unique, invaluable pieces of Holocaust documentation.

Seven years before that raid, Klemperer had been stripped of his position at Dresden Technical University. Although his conversion to his wife Eva's Protestantism spared him deportation, it did not protect him from the Nuremberg Laws.

The 1942 raid took place in the Klemperers' rooms in a segregated building called the "Jews' House." It was there that he recorded hunger and fear, as well as tedious factory work, a jail sentence, friends' disappearances, and all manner of indignities.

Though his spirit at times flags, his will to live—and ultimately, to write—never deserts him. The reader is swept along as his story unfolds—all the way to Upper Bavaria, to which he and Eva eventually flee, and back to Dresden, on foot, at war's end.

These diaries are masterful, essential reading for anyone with an interest in the Nazi years and the human spirit.

- Ken Sichel for Jewniverse

Tough Teachers

The gift of great expectations.

by Emuna Braverman for aish.com
“Tough Teachers Get Good Results.” I don’t know if the Wall Street Journal lists the most emailed pieces of the week the way the NY Times does, but this would win for sure. I read it. My kids read it. My friends read it. My editors at aish.com read it. And my inbox was bombarded with hyperlinks to the articles. I think it’s because the piece struck a chord; it resonated with many of us who feel some dismay about the direction of education today.

We all remember the one teacher (you have to be very lucky to have more than one!) who stood out from the crowd – not for her warmth (although I’ve nothing against warmth), not for her creativity (although I’ve nothing against creativity) and not for her effusive and undeserved praise (which I do have something against). She stood out because she was tough but fair. She had expectations – but not unreasonable ones. She made us work hard – for our own benefit. She was strict – so that we would take the lessons seriously. She made us drill, drill and drill again – because it was an effective teaching strategy. She didn’t put up with nonsense and she wouldn’t settle for mediocrity.

In fact, she seems rather like the Mr. Kupchynsky referred to in the article, whose teaching strategies the author extols and whose philosophies are elaborated on in the newly published Strings Attached: One Tough Teacher and the Gift of Great Expectations.

My teacher’s name was Miss Dick. She was my high school French teacher. She wasn’t particularly friendly or popular but she made us work and she challenged us to succeed. I respected her.

Not so my English teacher who tried very hard to be cool, to be “au currant,” to be our friend – and who later showed up at one of my freshman year college parties. Yuck! In his class, I learned nothing and he engendered no respect whatsoever.

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What I Learned From ‘All-of-a-Kind Family’

The series portrayed not just Jewish life or immigrant life—but girls’ lives

By Sara Ivry for Tablet

As I child, did I love Sydney Taylor’s All-of-a-Kind-Family and its sequels because there was a character with—more or less—my name? Was it because Henny, the second of the five daughters, was a rascal, often up to no good—for instance, soaking a dress borrowed from her sister in tea to disguise a stain? Maybe it was because the family frolicking at a city beach during the summer while their father toiled away seemed to be having such a ball that I wanted to be there with them. It was all of that and more. Beyond showing with such compassion the struggles that an early 20th century immigrant family faced in New York City, Taylor also conveyed wonder and romance about their lives—she raised them up from the huddled masses and gave them pride of place in my imagination. Probably in yours too.

All-of-a-Kind Family formed my earliest impression of the immigrant experience in America. That says a lot given that my own grandparents had come through Ellis Island and made their way through New York City’s tenements before moving on to Boston’s north shore or to Brooklyn, in both cases a decided step up. Taylor’s series portrayed not just Jewish life or immigrant life—but girls’ lives too, and even though their hijinx and quarrels took place decades before I was to learn of them (and longer ago, still, than those kids reading Taylor books now), the themes and struggles resonate still.

Related: 101 Great Jewish Books: All-of-a-Kind Family, Sydney Taylor (1951)
We Are Family

Breakthrough Jew - Ilan Zechory

By: Sarah Bauder for ShalomLife

Name: Ilan Zechory
Age: 29

Hometown: Detroit, Michigan

Breakthrough Cred: One of the co-founders of annotation website, Rap Genius

Ilan Zechory, at least by conventional standards, could be characterized as an “odd egg”. He attended Yale University with a focus on religious studies, graduating in 2006. For his senior thesis, Zechory chose to discuss a hermit who created his own religion in the ‘80’s.

Ivy league diploma in hand, Google came calling, where he worked as a project manager. Fast forward to July 2009, where Zechory found himself in an East Village apartment with two Yale pals, Mahbod Moghadam and Tom Lehman. The former was attempting to explain to the uninitiated latter, the complexities and metaphor of rapper Cam’ron’s lyrics. What spawned from that evening’s discourse, was the concept for Rap Genius.

“Rap Genius is... a lot of things. It's a Wikipedia of annotated texts that started out as a side project for annotating rap lyrics. It was just a few friends talking about rap lyrics and throwing out interpretations, interesting historical information, and poetic analysis. It quickly grew and expanded to music beyond rap, music in other languages, non-musical texts like poetry. Before we had 15 songs on the site, there was a Bob Dylan song. Before there were 50 songs, there was an Emily Dickenson poem. We started noticing that people interested in annotating rap were really interested in annotating lots of different stuff, not just rap. Rap was obviously a fruitful place to start for annotation because it is so dense - there's a lot of wordplay and reference and whatnot. So Rap Genius has grown and expanded into a platform for annotating all sorts of texts,” Zechory explained to Education Week.
 
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A Summer Camp Counselor Turns Tears Into A Heart-To-Heart

by Shaked Karp for The Jewish Week

Editor's Note: Each year, the Jewish Agency for Israel sends a group of young emissaries (shlichim) to serve as counselors and specialists at Camp Ramapo, a summer camp in Northern New-York, Dutchess County, for children with special needs. A non-profit established in 1922, Ramapo gathers a wide spectrum of special needs children under one umbrella. The shlichim at Ramapo bring a cultural perspective that has become a special part of the Ramapo experience. Shaked Karp, 24, came to Ramapo three years ago after completing her service in an Israeli army intelligence unit and has has returned every year since. She explains why here.

It was a rainy July evening; I was in the middle of a forest at a New York summer camp, and after a long, hard day I found myself breathless and aggravated and chasing a 16-year-old boy who was crying in distress. He was one of the challenging campers, to say the least; he would turn any situation into a daily struggle that made coping with him very difficult and frustrating. Getting him to act according to our expectations and camp rules hard, and my relationship with him started off badly. “The staff supervisor with the weird accent is too tough," he said.

That night, he stormed out of the session we held every evening, in which we marked our favorite moments of the day, discussed our hopes for the next day and reviewed the schedule. The chase turned into an hour long heart-to-heart conversation where he told me about how he never fit in, and how nothing ever worked for him in life and how his true ambition was to excel at the camp by reaching the intern program and becoming a staff assistant.

For him, the camp was a stepping stone, a chance to break bad habits, old patterns and the labels he has been living with. All his life, he was the odd one out. Only in the special atmosphere of the camp did he realize he really had a chance. I too realized he had a chance. I pushed him to break his own boundaries until he was tired of me. He started to deal with issues he had always tried to forget, he tried to control his mood swings and reactions -- and one of the achievements I'm most proud of is that we empowered him to lead a session every day for a group of children with severe autism.

He has not transformed entirely. But I think that something sprouted and started to build inside him. There was a new level of confidence and self-acceptance. He started to demonstrate practical skills of coping with his moods and discovered new tools that will serve him in the present and future. I believe in him and in what he can do and I told him that every chance I got.

Maybe that’s the point: To believe in a child is to push him to not fear boundaries, not to lose hope in light of difficulties, to choose not to give up or run away. To find the right way to communicate with a child is to believe in him a little more.

Shaked Karp lives in Ramat Gan. During the year, she runs a project to bring Israeli kids to Ramapo.

Will My Son Be the Only Black Jew in High School?

By Alina Adams for Raising Kvell

Every year, just like clockwork, The New York Times writes their annual article expressing shock that the most competitive public high schools in New York City are primarily Asian, with a much lower proportion of black and Hispanic students then there are in the overall system.

They charge that the test is racist and should not be used as the sole criteria determining admittance into a New York City Specialized High School. (I am not going to get into the politics of that charge, except to note that the argument to use other, less standardized factors such as letters of recommendation and extracurricular activities was initially introduced in America specifically to keep Jews out of elite universities, for fear that there would otherwise be too many of them.

In 2013, of the 963 students accepted to Stuyvesant, the high school that requires the highest score on the admissions exam, exactly nine of them are African-American. Had they counted my son, they would have at least made it into the double-digits. However, because my son is biracial and refuses to check only one box, the city of New York literally doesn’t count him at all in their overall racial statistics (“Isn’t it cool, Mommy?” he asked me. “I’m an un-person, just like in 1984!”)

I’m not going to talk about the politics of that, either.

What I am going to talk about is the implication of sending my son to a school where he will be one of only 10 black students (if not less; just because nine were accepted, doesn’t mean all nine will choose to go… conversely, there may be other biracial kids who also weren’t counted like him, but I doubt that will seriously alter the proportions), and quite possibly the only black/Jewish one.

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Israeli mom’s search for a meaningful bat mitzvah leads back to Schenectady

The Lifecyclist; By Debra Rubin for JTA

(JTA) — In Zoe Coleman-Becker’s Tel Aviv circle of friends, bat mitzvah typically means a surfing party, an overnight in the desert or a Japanese tea party. But Zoe’s mom, Pamela Becker, wanted her daughter to have much more than that. She wanted a celebration that also was a meaningful Jewish experience.

“It’s relatively status quo to make a bar mitzvah in Israel,” said Becker, who will be making a bar mitzvah for her four sons.

A bat mitzvah, on the other hand, is “hugely difficult — you have to think totally out of the box” to have the type of service she remembered having back in the United States.

She decided the best way to accomplish that was to plan a bat mitzvah celebration for Zoe in her childhood synagogue, Agudat Achim in Schenectady, N.Y. — even though Becker’s parents, who live in nearby Loudonville, no longer belong to the Conservative shul.

Still, Becker and her parents felt an emotional connection to Agudat. In Tel Aviv, she says, “we don’t have any place that would be egalitarian and beautiful and have a sense of history.”

The plans began last fall with a big question: Would the synagogue agree that even though the family does not belong, Zoe could become a bat mitzvah there? No problem. The rabbi gave his blessing, with the board following suit.

“I knew this was a very special request and I was very touched that the family had a very strong connection to Agudat Achim,” said Mery Gross, synagogue president at the time. “The request was made during Agudat’s 120th year celebration and it really speaks to the impact that the congregation has had on its congregants.”

Once everyone was on board for the July 20 service, Zoe began studying her Torah portion and working on a d’var Torah. The family arrived in the United States on July 4; four days later, Zoe learned that b’nai mitzvah students also do a haftarah reading, along with the accompanying blessings. She was undeterred, wanting to do the same.

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Teens & The High Holidays

With the High Holidays just weeks away, and the start of school upon us, it’s the perfect period for our teens to make the most of their free time. For this sweet New Year, show them how to lend a hand, (tikkun olam) and help repair the world through volunteerism. What can our teens do to perform mitzvot in the next several weeks?

Here are 5 ideas:

1. Assemble packages with High Holiday greeting cards, distribute holiday foods (apples & honey) and create handmade picture frames to deliver to seniors at local centers throughout your area.

2. Sponsor a family in need via your local Jewish Family Services chapter. Raise funds through a baked goods sale (Jewish Apple Cake should be a big seller around this time!) or conduct a synagogue-wide car wash during Labor Day weekend.

3. Take advice from this article about how teens can atone for their sins on Yom Kippur. Reflection on a teen’s addition to technology (Instagram or Facebook would be the main culprit here) or poor procrastination habits can be changes by a teen’s self-introspection.

4. During the days of Elul, take time out to answer these questions as NFTY has outlined for Jewish Teens in North America.

5. Enroll in Shofar lessons to join a growing trend of younger and more senior shofar blowers. Teens may volunteer to blow the shofar at children’s services or practice a lot to see if they may take on the congregation at large!

God, God

By Gutman Locks for JewishMag.com
Now we are in the month of Elul. Elul is the time when we prepare for the New Year. On the New Year we will stand before the King of the Universe, and our portions for the coming year will be set aside according to the judgment that we receive. How well we prepare during Elul may very well affect the judgment that we will receive. Will it be favorable, abundant? Will we find success this year in those areas where we need so much help? This makes Elul one of the most serious and important times in the entire year.
Without doubt, the highlight of Elul comes early in the morning, when we say the Selichot prayers. And the highlight of these prayers comes when we recite G-d’s 13 Attributes of Mercy, beginning with, "G-d, G-d..."

Doubling G-d’s Name is a very unusual thing to do. If the man who was leading the communal prayers would repeat the central prayer, “Hear, O Israel, the L-ord our G-d, the L-ord is One,” thereby saying it twice, we must take him down from his position at once. The problem is that someone might think we are addressing two gods! But here, during these prayers, we all call out “G-d, G-d,” actually doubling His very Name!

Not only this, but when we call out, some people scream loudly, some actually cry and yearn with all their heart. What is going on here? What are we really doing? How are we to call out? What should our intentions be?

We can learn the answer to these questions from G-d Himself. When G-d tested Avraham, He told him to sacrifice his only beloved son, Yitzchak. Avraham picked up the knife and actually put it to his son’s throat, prepared to carry out G-d’s command. What an awesome moment in the history of the universe this was! It was then that G-d called out to Avraham saying, “Avraham, Avraham. Do not lay your hand upon the lad….”[*]

Why did G-d double Avraham’s name? How did He call out to him? It is well known that G-d doubled Avraham’s name because He loved him. He doubled his name as a sign of endearment. He was expressing just how beloved Avraham was to Him, especially at that moment when Avraham showed that he was willing to sacrifice whatever he had for G-d. G-d called out to Avraham with all the love that a father could possibly have for a son.

It is with this depth of love that we are to call out to G-d when we double His Name. “G-d, G-d, we love You, and thank you for all that You have done for us, and for all that You will bestow upon us throughout our lives. Thank You. Thank You.”

When we will call out like this, not only will our prayers be meaningful and pleasant to us, but they will actually cause our judgment and portion for the coming year to be one of love.

[*] Genesis 22:11

The Nazi-Hunter Who Might Secretly Be A Jew

The 1992 video game Wolfenstein 3D was the first "1st-person shooter"—that is, a game where the screen mirrored the character's field of vision, and the player's presence is marked by the barrel of a gun in the lower-right hand corner of the frame.

The game itself is simple. B.J. Blaskowicz, a Polish spy, prowls through Nazi dungeons during World War II. In the years since Wolfenstein, the conceit itself has become common—even Call of Duty, the most popular video game on the market, takes place during WWII and features Allied troops storming Nazi bases—but, unlike in films, the idea of Jews fighting in WWII and getting their revenge on Nazis, has never really solidified.

Still, gamers have been making a case for years in favor of Blaskowicz's Jewishness. He even has a page on JewOrNotJew.com. A recent post on the video game blog Kotaku.com fleshes out the speculation. Wolfenstein's lead designer Tom Hall seemed tickled by the reading, though would not confirm speculations: "An interesting angle," he replied. "[It] deepens the meaning of his actions and struggle!"

- Matthue Roth

Ben-Gurion's Rice

You might recall a story that takes place in Chelm, city of fools, in which the village runs out of sour cream right before Shavuot. The elders suggest that since they still have plenty of water, why not switch the names of water and sour cream? Almost a stroke of genius; Chelmites get plenty of sour cream, but face a sudden shortage of water.

Prompted by a rice shortage during Israel's austerity period of 1949-59, David Ben-Gurion commissioned a much sounder solution that resulted in one of Israel's favorite carbs: ptitim, or what we in America call "Israeli couscous." The food engineers at Osem devised the rice impostor by roasting "grains" of wheat flour paste. The resulting ptitim (whose name comes from the Arabic word for "pounding dry bread") was a hit.

Today, ptitim appeals primarily to children—they can be found in the shapes of stars, rings, and hearts (but not dinosaurs, as of this writing). But if ptitim is Israel's mac-and-cheese, it’s gourmet to the rest of the world: a quick recipe search brings up a "ptitim risotto with radicchio" and even a pineapple couscous brûlée.

- Leah Falk

A 1950s Western With a Jewish Twist

Have Gun – Will Travel was an "adult Western" series that aired in the late 1950s to early 1960s. Set in San Francisco nearly 100 years earlier, the hero, Paladin (played by Richard Boone), was a gentleman gunfighter who enjoyed opera, beautiful women, fine food, and chess. He often quoted Shakespeare and Greek philosophers and, in one episode, both Pirkei Avot and the Zohar.  

In that episode, "The Fatalist," written by Shimon Wincelberg, a young Jewish immigrant named Rivka Shotness begs Paladin to help her father, Nathan, who is being bullied by hoodlums. Paladin agrees.

"In Hebrew," Rivka tells him, his name means "wonderful  law." Her father then quotes Pirkei Avot 3:2: "The Mishnah says, 'Pray for the welfare of the authorities, for if not for the fear thereof, men would swallow each other alive.'" Paladin responds from the same chapter,  "Doesn’t your Mishnah also say, 'Im ein Torah, ein kemach: 'If there is no law there is no bread'?"  He continues: "The good die young that they may not be corrupted; the wicked live on that they may have a chance to repent."  Astonished, Nathan marvels: "Mr. Paladin even quotes from our holy Zohar!"

Perhaps a young Billy Joel was watching.
- Michael J. Bohnen

American Apparel’s Black Nail Polish Color is Called ‘Hassid’

Stay classy, Dov Charney

By Stephanie Butnick for Jewcy

American Apparel’s nail polish collection may be free from formaldehyde, but it’s hardly free from the clothing company’s signature in-your-face cheekiness. A reader drew our attention to the line’s black shade, which is tastefully named ‘Hassid.’

We take nail polish names pretty seriously around here, and understand the pressure to compete with polish powerhouses like Essie and OPI, which seem to have completely cornered the pun market. Still, Hassid seems like a particularly uninspired choice.

The meeting probably went something like this:

“So, we’ve already decided on names for American Denim, African Violet, and Factory Grey. What should we call our black color?”

“Well, we went with Raccoon for brown, and Passport Blue for navy. I just wish there was some cute way to describe the color black.”

“What about those funny black hats Hasidic Jews wear?”

“Perfect! We’ll call it Hassid.”

This isn’t the first time American Apparel founder Dov Charney, who is Jewish, has gotten himself in hot water with his fellow MOTs. In 2009, Woody Allen sued the company for using an unauthorized image of him dressed as a Hasidic Jew in a scene from Annie Hall on a billboard advertisement, and received a $5 million payment.

American Apparel has never seemed to mind ruffling a few feathers to get attention; it’s pretty much their business model at this point (that and floral crop tops). Should we take the bait on this one?

 Continue reading.
 

A Family Called Berkowitz

Talking to the father who gave his children the quirkiest names in Israel

By Michael Orbach for Tablet Magazine

Most Orthodox Jewish children are given both a Hebrew name and an English name. Typically it is the same name, with one being the Hebrew or English equivalent of the other—Jacob is Yaakov, Joseph is Yoseph—with occasional alterations (my English name is Michael Jacob, my Hebrew name is a reversal, Yaakov Meir). But, sometimes, parents decide to have some fun with it.

If, like me, you’ve gone through the customary rite of passage that is the year in yeshiva or seminary after high school, you’ve probably heard this one—the story of a crazy couple by the name of Berkowitz in Gush Etzion who were so gung-ho Zionist that they gave their kids bizarre, ridiculous English names so that they would never be able to move back to the United States.

Just how ridiculous?

One son’s first name is “Just,” so he’s “Just Berkowitz.” Another child’s middle name is “Danger” so he can actually say, “Danger is my middle name.” And finally, one son is named Berkowitz James Berkowitz in a not-so-subtle James Bond homage. The strategy worked: none of the children ever left Israel.

Continue reading.

 

Why Sailing is One of My Favorite Pastimes

Murray Rosenbaum, 15-year-old student in New York

This summer, I am doing something I have never done before. I am currently doing a five week long internship at a Hudson River Community Sailing (HRCS for short), which holds a weeklong or longer camp. The camp is for children who have sailed before or have never even been on a boat. I have had a lot of experience on sailboats, so when I sent in an email asking if there was anyway I could help out with the camp, they accepted me as a intern.

I began to learn how to sail when I was about 7, and I haven't stopped yet. I remember when I was in a sunfish, a small, single-mast sailboat, with my brother for the first time. I also remember when he handed me the tiller, and said, "Just try to make sense of how this works, and tell me if I should pull in the sail or let it out." For the next half-hour, I sailed into the wind, directing us away from where we needed to be, and almost crashed the boat. Even though I was sailing terribly, my brother kept trying to teach me how to do it. I started to get the hang of it, and there is no feeling that compares to how I felt when the wind filled my sails and we began to keel. There is something that is so elating about the thought of using nature to my advantage and controlling the wind for my own use.

This is why I love sailing. It makes me powerful, that I use nature to move across water. As time moved on, I began to love sailing for the science of how it works. Once I began to learn how a sailboat uses wind and it's sails to move it, I delved into a deeper part of sailing. Even though I'm an intern at HRCS, they are still teaching me parts of sailing that I didn't know before. I learned about points of sail (what it is called when wind hits the boat in a certain direction and how far out the sails are to compensate), tide, how the boat displaces water to keep itself buoyant and to hold cargo/people, and even how the ebb and flooding of the Hudson affects where we travel and when would be the opportune time to leave and begin to return from a trip.

Sailing involves so much more than just understanding how a boat uses the wind to move through water. Sailing requires a certain appreciation for your surroundings and environment. If you don't respect whatever amount of water you're sailing in, whether it's a pond, river, lake, or ocean, nature will not be nice just for you. The trick to treating your surrounds with respect while sailing is to constantly stay vigilant so that if the wind begins to shift, you can stay on top of it and alter your course accordingly so that you aren't caught off guard later.

When I sail, especially on the Hudson, I feel a certain sense of happiness that I don't get from anywhere else. I feel as though if I can control the wind, a powerful force of nature, then I can easily control parts of my life that seem difficult. Sailing is a pastime that always keeps me on my toes, and I plan to keep sailing as long as I can.

Diller awards recognize teens for leadership, innovation

 (JTA) — Ten U.S. teens were recognized for their volunteerism with Diller Teen Tikkun Olam Awards.
Each will receive an honorarium of $36,000 “in recognition of their leadership, innovation and commitment to making the world a better place,” the Helen Diller Family Foundation said in its announcement.
 

 It is the seventh year for the Diller Teen Tikkun Olam Awards but the first time they have been offered nationally, recognizing teens outside California.
The winners are:

* Jake Bernstein, 19, of St. Louis, Mo., for VolunTEENnation, a nonprofit that connects youth with available volunteer opportunities across the country;

* Skylar Dorosin, 18, of Palo Alto, Calif., for Project 2020, a program that aims to boost self-confidence and foster friendships through the teaching of swimming and water polo to girls from low-income communities;

* Ellie Dubin, 17, of Beverly Hills, Calif., for Kesem Shel Shir, a musical theater program that fosters self-esteem, collaboration and language skills for underprivileged American and Israeli children;

* Jordan Elist, 18, also of Beverly Hills, for Save a Bottle, Save a Life, a program that collects bottles and cans and uses the proceeds to support the work of food pantries;

* Ben Hirschfeld, 19, of Hastings-on-Hudson, N.Y., for Lit! Solar, a project that supports children’s health and literacy using a revolving fund to replace dangerous kerosene lamps with safe solar lanterns;

* Ido Kedar, 17, of West Hills, Calif., for Ido in AutismLand, an awareness initiative that provides firsthand insight into the hidden realities of those living with nonverbal autism for educators, families and others;

* Talia Leman, 18, of Waukee, Iowa, for RandomKid, a website that provides tools and resources for youth to launch and lead their own community service projects and endeavors;

* Nick Lowinger, 15, of Cranston, R.I., for Gotta Have Sole, a foundation that donates new footwear to children living in homeless shelters across the country;

* Max Wallack, 17, of Natick, Mass., for PuzzlesToRemember, a nonprofit that designs, collects and distributes puzzles to serve as therapeutic tools for those living with Alzheimer’s disease; and

* Talia Young, 18, of Lafayette, Calif., for Looking for Home, a poetry club that works to empower high school students with confidence and eliminate stereotypes.

The recipients were selected by committees of educators and community leaders from across the United States.

Nearly $1.5 million has been given out to 40 Jewish teens since the awards — the vision of Bay Area philanthropist Helen Diller — were first presented.


 

Bar Mitzvah Boy Comes to the Aid of a Southern Synagogue in Disrepair

Elijah Schulman’s family had roots in Selma, Ala. Now his mitzvah project will help maintain its century-old temple.

Like many other synagogues in small Southern towns, Mishkan Israel in Selma, Ala., has seen better days. The slate roof is more than a century old and has been patched but never replaced. Termites have damaged the basement. The frames are rotting around the Tiffany-esque stained-glass windows. And don’t ask about the organ.

In the social hall, a recent photo of the congregation’s scant membership is captioned “The last of the Mohicans.” And its numbers have diminished even more in the few years since that photo was taken—down to nine today, plus two active non-Jewish spouses of members, and a few out-of-towners. The city has lost population, too, to fewer than 21,000, according to the 2010 census, down from a high of 28,000, and it can’t seem to shake its reputation as Ground Zero for racism: Many young folks haven’t heard of Selma, but others can’t forget the images of Bloody Sunday 1965, when Sheriff Jim Clark, his posse, and state troopers attacked 600 nonviolent civil rights marchers with tear gas and billy clubs as they tried to cross the Edmund Pettus Bridge.

Enter Elijah Schulman of Bethesda, Md. Not yet 13—his birthday is July 10—he already has a website, a Pay Pal account, and a plan to save the shul.

Last year, he and his family were mulling over their venue options for his bar mitzvah because their roving havurah in Bethesda has no building. They could have chosen to hold the ceremony at the former Girl Scout camp where his cousin had her bat mitzvah, or at Washington, D.C.’s Sixth & I Historic Synagogue, or in Israel. Then his mother came up with an idea where the family had a long history: Selma.

Continue reading.
 

How Can You Keep Your Teen Jewishly Engaged?

To counter the trend of Jewish teens dropping out of organized Jewish life, The Jewish Education Project works with individuals, institutions, and communities to find innovative and meaningful ways to engage Jewish teens in today’s ever changing world.

Learn more about our work in teen engagement:

• Operation Game Changer
• The Westchester Jewish Teen Learning Initiative
• JewFoodie
• Webinars
• New Research Study: Engaging Jewish Teens
• Long Island Jewish Teen Directors Network
• Professional Development
• Community Events
• Project InCiTE
• Press

Operation Game Changer

The Jewish Education Project launched Operation Game Changer to address the challenge of increasing post Bnei Mitzvah youth participation in Jewish education and communal life. Our expert coaches guide teams of youth professionals, educators, clergy and lay leaders to develop and implement new approaches to Jewish education and engagement for teens.

To join the 2013 cohort of Operation Game Changer, contact Jill Minkoff at jminkoff@jewishedproject.org. 

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The Path of Names

A New Novel Brings Ghosts, Geeks, and Golems to Sleepover Camp

First-time novelist Ari Goelman faces tough questions from an 11-year-old fantasy fiction aficionado and summer-camp devotee
In his debut novel, The Path of Names, Vancouver-based writer Ari Goelman conjures Dahlia, an intrepid 13-year-old who we meet as she begrudgingly attends her first summer at Camp Arava, the Jewish overnight camp where her brother is a beloved counselor. Ever interested in figuring out sleights of hand, she’d rather spend her time learning magic. Then strange things start to happen. Dahlia spots two apparitions—little girls dressed for the 1940s who beckon to her in her bunk. Suddenly she has memories and dreams of yeshiva life and understands Hebrew words she has never before known. Unruffled by the increasingly intense fantastical phenomena around her, Dahlia forges on, keen to figure out what’s happening to her and to the sweet ghosts who keep reappearing.

Ari Goelman talks with Vox Tablet host Sara Ivry about the fantasy novels that accompanied his childhood, how he came up with the idea for Dahlia and her story, and why he set the action at a Jewish overnight camp. Joining the conversation is Josie Ingall, herself a lover of fantasy fiction, who, at 11 years old, fits right in to Goelman’s target demographic and has some questions of her own to put to the author. (Josie is also the daughter of Tablet Magazine columnist Marjorie Ingall.)

Though the school year is ending, there’s no reason for you or your child to stop reading! Enter our sweepstakes to be one of 10 lucky people selected at random to win a copy of The Path of Names.

Vox Tablet is Tablet Magazine's Weekly Podcast  

Shiva: The Video Game

If we had a shekel for every time we've paid a shiva call and wanted to make a game of it…we'd be broke. But that hasn't been Dave Gilbert's experience.

Gilbert's brainchild, "The Shivah," is a murder mystery game in which the user follows a rabbi as he uncovers the truth behind a recent and generous donation to his ailing synagogue. What starts as a shiva call to the widow of a murdered man turns into a full-blown investigation.

Reviews of this award-winning game have been mixed but generally positive. The Onion's A.V. Club, for example, noted that the game is short, but "sticks with its players—not for its touchy puzzles, nor for its 'retro' graphics, which hearken back to the earliest adventure games, but for its content."

If nothing else, traveling through Manhattan as a rabbi and uncovering multiple murders—at one point with the opportunity to engage in a sword fight—is a solid break from work. Not to mention from sitting shiva.

American teens' materialism makes sense

By Dale McFeatters


We are as willing as anybody to step on the fingers of younger generations trying to climb the ladder of success behind us and to believe that -- with their different tastes in dress, music and jargon -- they represent a pause in evolutionary progress.

But sometimes one feels called on to defend the unfairly maligned.

Two psychology professors -- Jean Twenge of San Diego State University and Tim Kasser of Knox College in Illinois -- reviewed results from a national survey and write this month in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin that today's young adults want nice things but are less willing than their predecessors to work hard for them.

And how does this make them different from most other Americans?

"Compared to previous generations," Twenge writes, "recent high school graduates are more likely to want lots of money and nice things, but less likely to say they're willing to work hard to earn them."

Twenge, author of the book "Generation Me," went on, "That type of 'fantasy gap' is consistent with other studies showing a generational increase in narcissism and entitlement."

This would seem more of an economic than a social problem. Consumer spending accounts for 70 percent of U.S. economic activity, largely driven by materialism. If our young people think a new car, bigger TV and the latest in handheld devices are not worth the extra effort, we're in economic trouble.
The sense of narcissism and entitlement sounds like standard adolescence. Real life will grinds it out of youths in a process called maturity.

Continue reading.

Survivors, Bronx Girls Connect At Senior Home

The first group gasp came when Marion Sacher told about her childhood in the Third Reich.

Sacher, a refugee from Nazi Germany, is a resident of the Kittay House independent living seniors apartment building in the Kingsbridge section of the Bronx. She and a Holocaust survivor who lives there were talking about their wartime experiences one morning last week in the building’s auditorium. In the seats around them were 20 fifth graders, all girls, from PS 75X public school in the South Bronx and a handful of school staff and Kittay House residents.

Naomi Chiel, Jewish program coordinator at Kittay House, asked Sacher how old she was when the Nazi restrictions first affected her life.

“I was 10 years old,” Sacher answered.

All the girls gasped. Sacher was their age when the anti-Semitic Nuremberg Laws kept her and her fellow German Jews from sitting on public benches, playing in public parks or doing the things that other Germans were able to do.

The girls from PS 75X, a 40-minute school bus ride away from Kittay House, are all 10, 11 or 12 years old. They already knew the outlines of Sacher’s former life in Europe, and of Czechoslovakia-born Pearl Brown’s — their stories were the subject of a Yom HaShoah story, “Terror and Tears,” in the Daily News a few weeks ago.

Continue reading. 

Tomer Hen - Israel's 19-year-old Mobile Marketing Guru

‘My success is just having the courage to do things,’ says Tomer Hen, who employs 13 people (all older than himself) in his global consultancy.

 

“Do Israelis have cell phones?” Teens in Ohio asked this question of Tomer Hen, when he was visiting the United States as a junior ambassador during high school. They sure asked the right guy.

Tomer, now 19, is one of the world’s foremost experts in exploiting the marketing potential of mobile devices. His multimillion-dollar Tomer Hen Mobile Marketing Consulting grew out of playing around with his smartphone during 10th grade in Netanya.

He and his friends were using their phones to look up train schedules and find the nearest pizza shop — but unlike on the Internet, search results rarely came along with advertisements.

“I saw that more and more people were using their phones to access products and services, but there weren't many ads on smartphones,” he tells ISRAEL21c. “This was an untapped market and the prices were extremely cheap.”

Tomer, already an experienced eBay trader at 13, used NIS 12,000 of his bar mitzvah gift money to join an affiliate network (an intermediary between publishers and merchants) and place mobile ads for insurance companies, dating sites and hotel booking sites.

“I lost a lot of money, but I learned a lot. I learned about the market in Azerbaijan, in Germany — all over the world,” he says. “Once I realized the right way to do it, what the audience is looking for, I started making money.”

Continue reading. 

What Is Love?

Many believe love is a sensation that magically generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. No wonder so many people are single.

A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schoolers about the Jewish idea of love.

"Someone define love," I said.

No response.

"Doesn't anyone want to try?" I asked.

Still no response.

"Tell you what: I'll define it, and you raise your hands if you agree. Okay?"

Nods.

"Okay. Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person."

Every hand went up. And I thought, Oy.

This is how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.

The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." (That was back in 1956 ― chances are he'd be even more pessimistic today.)

So what is love ― real, lasting love?

Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.

The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. ("I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. "And I've never met a man with such morals!" she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages (The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts), Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding."

To the Jewish mind, it isn't unexpected at all. What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.

Continue reading.