by Lauren Roth for Aish.com
Dear Lauren,
My grandfather is getting old and is slowing down physically and mentally. He used to have such a booming presence, and now he seems shrunken and weak in his chair. I know it pains him to be so trapped in himself like that. I know he wants to be the leader of the family again. I hate how everyone talks down to him, unintentionally, of course; even I can't deny he gets confused sometimes. I want him to know how proud I am of him, how much I love him, how much I worry about him. I cry after every get-together; it's so hard to watch. My anxiety comes out most when I think about things like this. God is my only comfort, but even with Him I feel confused, and that bothers me too. I know it all makes sense somehow, and God is in control...but why is all this fair? I know it's the cycle of life...I know I'm not the first kid to worry about her grandfather...but I’m scared. Please help.
Lauren Roth's AnswerIt’s scary when the strong presences in our lives become weaker, and “go the way of all flesh.” Remember the second law of thermodynamics from physics: things of this physical world inevitably go towards entropy—towards greater disorder. Physical systems inevitably break down. Your grandfather’s physical and mental decline is part of the natural order of things.
When my friend lost her father, she told me, “Of course I miss him. I miss him every day. But we had a wonderful life together. And that is a life well-lived.” Nobody lives forever and no state of being lasts forever, even though we want it to. The question is: what do we do with the time we have?
I think you should tell your grandfather everything you want to say. Tell him all the points you mentioned in your question: tell him how and why you are proud of him, tell him how much you love him, tell him you know he doesn’t feel as strong as he did before, but that you still respect him the same as you did before. Whether he understands what you’re telling him or not, you’ll feel better for having said it out loud to him.
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