Dear Lauren,
Is there a way to always be true to who I am no matter who is around me and no matter what the circumstances? Since I was really young I seem to morph into whatever anyone around me expects me to be. It's getting tiring, especially since people think I'm always fun, that I don't take anything seriously, that I hate religion, that I don't think about God, and that I'm a spoiled brat.
I don't have real friends, only classmates I hang out with, because I never feel safe to really be myself or to show who I really am. I want so much to be myself, but I'm afraid to be, and I shift into whatever it is the person near me thinks I am, without even making a conscious decision to do this. I think this behavior comes from being a shy child and being told just who I was and what I was thinking by my older family members and teachers and then my classmates, and I was too timid to explain myself or answer back, and instead I've been accidentally performing for years. I need a break from this. I prefer to be myself. Thank you.
Lauren Roth's Answer
There was a beautiful tree in Princeton. Every fall, all the leaves on the tree turned a brilliant yellow, such that its long, gnarled, multitudinous branches created a gargantuan canopy of sunlight-yellow, roofing the walkways around it in every direction. I loved that tree and absolutely delighted in its shining brightness every year.
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