Bernard Malamud, The Clumsy Teenage Writer

Before he wrote The Fixer and won the Pulitzer Prize, Bernard Malamud, like so many before him, was a humble high school student who submitted an essay to the Scholastic Art and Writing Award for teenagers. Unlike so many before him, he won.

The essay — about working in his father's grocery store — begins hesitantly. You can practically hear the 18-year-old clearing his throat, prevaricating over the best way to begin. But the story is rich and engaging, with a large cast of memorable characters: a "thin, pinched, little girl" miserable with poverty; a "richly dressed" woman who "heaved, rocked, tossed, and creaked" at a botched order; a delinquent kid who makes good for himself when Malamud's father declines to drop charges for theft.

Even when his writing veers into over-exuberance, it is full of sharp observations and startling imagery. We see glimpses of the writer Malamud was to become: a master of lyrical language and vernacular, preoccupied with class and social injustice. "I have seen the veneer scraped off life, exposing its plain, dull surface. Somehow, I have become less selfish, and more satisfied with my lot." This is talent in the raw — a short, must-read for fans of Jewish and American fiction.

Your Inner Teenager

I have always had a covert attraction to the "Wicked Child" of the Seder. Maybe it was the totally-out-of-place pictures smack at the beginning of the Passover Haggadah. Here we were celebrating the Exodus from Egypt, and there's a picture of some ruffian (always with a cigarette) teasing our imagination. It seemed so out of place. It made a profound impact on my young mind. Perhaps that's why I became a rabbi. After all, I didn't want to turn out like that wicked son. On the other hand, part of me definitely did; after all, he was so cool looking.

After years of study and concealed longing, I found that I was not alone in my "Wicked" appreciation. The four children of the Haggadah are actually taken straight out of the Bible. There are four different dialogues (okay, one is really a monologue) in four different places of how to respond to our children. And here is the amazing thing, in the Passover Haggadah we start with the Wise Son. But if we take a look in the Torah, the very first son who is given attention is the Wicked Son!

And it shall come to pass when you come to the land which G‑d will give you, according to His promise, that you shall keep this service of observing Passover. And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say to you, "What the heck are you guys doing?" —Exodus 12:25-26 (paraphrased)

This refers to the wicked son. —Rashi

The entire family is together doing one thing; in walks this child and rejects whatever it is that is going on. Sounds to me like the archetypical teenager. (If you are a teenager, I mean no offense. Since you are reading this article, you are atypical.)

Why does the Torah start with this child? Of all of the possible types of responses that our children may have through the generations, this is the first one? And even before we leave Egypt, G‑d is telling us that in the future, your kids will give you lip. I guess it is full disclosure.

Continue reading.

Preparing with your teen for Passover

This year we are slaves. Next year, may we all be free. --Passover Haggadah

Each year, through the Passover seder, we re-enact the experience of our people’s liberation from slavery to freedom. The Haggadah commands us that in every generation we are to experience the seder as if we ourselves went out from Egypt to freedom. The seder reminds us that while we are not literally slaves, our freedom may be affected by old attitudes, negative thoughts, overwhelming worries or out-of-sync values. “Slavery does offer a certain freedom that can be attractive: the freedom from responsibility for yourself and others, the freedom from having to establish goals, figure out how to reach them, or think beyond the moment. It takes strength and guts to walk out of a known situation, which for all its pain, is predictable. It is human nature to want to stay put within the stability of the status quo.” (Ross, “Self Liberation” in Celebrate! The Complete Jewish Holiday Handbook) But Judaism has never been satisfied with the status quo and each year, with the coming of spring and the acknowledgement of new growth and renewal, we remind ourselves and teach our children that freedom is a worthy goal. For teens who are gaining more freedoms, the holiday can teach the message that freedom also comes with responsibility. For our ancestors in Egypt, freedom meant entering into a covenantal relationship with God. It was only after we were freed that we were given the Ten Commandments, which obligated us in ways that continue to forge our relationship with the Divine.  Like our ancestors in Egypt, we can escape from the things that enslave us, the things that hold us back. Once the Israelites encountered God and saw that God could bring them into freedom, “they gave up the comfort of the familiar, without concern for provisions or how they would get to or exist at their destination. They left Egypt because they believed a better life awaited them elsewhere. As Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav counseled, when you are about to leave [Egypt] ‘mitzrayim’ you should not worry about how you will manage in a new ‘place.’ Anyone who does or who stops to get everything in order for the journey will never pick himself or herself up.” (Ross)  Questions to think about:

Parents and teens often have unique struggles over the issue of freedom. Below are some questions to help you explore the issue together.
What makes a person free?
In what ways are you enslaved?
What does it mean for you as a teen when you get new freedoms?
What does it mean to you as a parent to give your teens new freedom?
What would you like to be freed from in this coming year?
How can we help each other gain new freedoms? Work together to identify those responsibilities your teenagers must undertake as they enjoy more freedoms and what your teens can do to alleviate concerns you face as you allow more freedom.

Write a prayer to include in your seder During Passover, we celebrate and thank God for delivering us from Egypt by singing Dayeinu (It would have been enough). We enumerate each step along the way, recognizing that each one was a miracle—parting the sea, providing for us in the desert, giving us Shabbat, bringing us to Mount Sinai, giving us the Torah, and more. At this time of year, while we remember our own oppression and redemption from Egypt, we often forget that Jews around the world are still oppressed whether by their governments or as a result of the economies they live in. Take some time with your family to learn about these communities. The American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee has information about Jewish communities all over the world who have yet to experience all the freedoms we have come to cherish. Learn about a few and then write a prayer to include in your seder that will teach your family and friends about this community as you pray that they may soon know the freedom that you do.

Continue reading.

Negotiating with Teens

Negotiating with teens when they say “been there, done that!”

The entire school was taking a trip to the relatively new National Museum of American Jewish History, located in Philadelphia. The museum, with thousands of historic treasures, interactive exhibits, and multi-media presentations, has caused many people to say that they could spend days there and not see everything.

Yet, we heard that one student, when he learned about the trip, went home and confidently told his mother: “I don’t want to go. I've lready been to the museum once.”

The comment above is not specific to the museum. It is a catch phrase for all things that kids think they've already done, if they've done it once.

I remember working with a student on his course selections for the coming year. I suggested a class that I thought he’d find really interesting, based on his background. He didn't ask me any clarifying questions, and without missing a quarter-note, told me assertively: “I don’t need to take that class, I've already taken Talmud!”

Put in whatever word works for you here, so that the comment would be equally humorous:

“I don’t need to take that class, I've already taken engineering.” (architecture, medicine, fine arts, or any area of study that could be endlessly interesting if someone had the interest).

So, how as parents and educators do we get past the “been there, done that” syndrome?

With patience, explanations, and the confidence that we know better.

We should never assume because someone is in school, that there is a deep understanding of the process of learning.

We need the confidence to communicate that when it comes to learning anything, revisits are important and necessary. Gaining depth of a subject matter, seeing things again from a new perspective, is a good thing.

Let’s think about that, and let that very thought bring sweet smiles to our faces when we meet at our Seder tables and hear “But we did this last year!”