You’re Not Leaving the House Wearing That!

Does accepting our kids choices imply approval?

by Rabbi Moshe Don Kestenbaum for aish.com

There it was, a plastic sparkly blue hat, and my two year old son found his treasure. He just loves hats.

My wife was away and I am getting my children ready to go to the pizza shop for supper and my son insists on wearing his new blue hat. His two older brothers would have nothing to do with it. We are not going if he wears that hat. I, on the other hand, was completely at peace with it. There was no reason to be embarrassed for no one could suspect me of choosing his getup.

When your child is two it’s relatively easy not to be embarrassed by their choice of attire, but what about when he or she is 12 or older? Then it’s not as simple.

Clothing is a common source of tension in many homes. Parents and their teens often bicker over acceptable mode of dress. We really have to take a moment and ask ourselves: Is it worth the fight?

The first thing I suggest we do is introspect into the true motivation behind our battle. Are we fighting because we feel it is unhealthy for the child to dress this way or is it because we are embarrassed about what our neighbors and friend will say? This takes a great deal of self honesty but if we do come to the recognition that it is really our pride that we are worried about, then we are probably better off forgoing our pride for the sake of our relationship with our child.

If we are not prepared to forgo our honor, then I suggest we at least be honest with our child and tell him that we feel uncomfortable when he or she dresses this way and not hide behind another agenda. When parents preach that which is not in line with their true motivation, their children can sense the falsehood and it hurts their ability to trust and listen to their parents down the road.

Now let say you allow your child to dress in a way that bothers you, (or he doesn’t give you much of a choice) how are we going to deal with this situation going forward?

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3 Things I Wish I Knew when I was Dating

I would have appreciated a heads-up on a few things. What wisdom do you have to share?

by Aleeza Ben Shalom for aish.com

I learned the ropes of dating on the fly, and somehow I made it to the chuppah. I sure would have appreciated a heads-up on a few things. To make your dating process a little sweeter, here are three concepts that I wish I’d known when I was dating.

1. Like attracts like

My husband was given really great advice when he was dating: “Men and women are already different enough. Find someone you have something in common with.” After 11 years of marriage, I concur – men and women are different. And the more you have in common, the easier it will be to adapt to married life.

Yes opposites can attract, but they sometimes have a challenging time staying together. Don’t misunderstand me: there will be differences between you and your spouse. No matter how alike you are there will definitely be enough ways in which you are different. But different is not the same as opposite. Over time you will hopefully come to appreciate and value those differences. But don’t go looking for someone so different from yourself.

If you really want a super spouse, make sure you’re super too (inside and out). Like attracts like. Take a minute to look in the mirror. What positive traits and qualities do you see? In what ways are you great? Notice your greatness. Notice it not because you are egocentric, but rather because you are trying to identify your other half. By identifying the first half of the soul mate – yourself – you’ll be better equipped to search the world for your super spouse.

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German Anne Frank Miniseries To Air Next Year

One of several projects commemorating the 70th anniversary of Frank’s death

By Stephanie Butnick for Tablet Magazine

Next year is the 70th anniversary of Anne Frank’s death at 16 in the Bergen Belsen concentration camp, and there will likely be a number of major events and projects to commemorate the life of Frank, whose diary, written while her family was in hiding in Amsterdam, has come to symbolize young people’s literary introduction to the Holocaust.

One of the projects is a two-part miniseries from the German production company Constantin Film and public broadcaster ZDF, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

The series will trace the lives of Frank, her family and friends starting three years before they were forced into hiding by the Nazis. The focus in part will be the transformation of the young Frank from an extroverted young girl before her time in hiding to the increasingly introverted and reflective teenager seen in her diaries.

Another film project in the works is from Waltz With Bashir director Ari Folman, who is creating an animated feature for younger audiences based on Frank’s life.

A Prince Among Men

Discovering the secret source of my grandfather’s greatness.

by Reuven Savit for aish.com

As a child, I didn’t particularly enjoy visiting my grandparents. I wanted to play Nintendo or soccer with my friends. I didn't always have a piece of velvet on my head. I was an average kid from Long Island. My grandparents had funny accents and their house smelled like a strange mix of moth balls and chicken soup, and I had other things to do.

My mother would cajole me. “It’s the right thing to do,” would be the first attempt. When that didn’t work, “We’ll go to Toys R Us afterwards” would be the second. And when all else failed she would say, “You know, you are lucky to have grandparents and they won’t live forever. You won't always have grandparents to visit.” And invariably we would make our way to their home.

I didn’t think then that the day would come, but now I don’t have any grandparents to visit.

As I grew older, it became clearer to me that my grandparents had experienced the most unimaginable, inconceivable torture. I don’t know how anyone can come back from that and live a somewhat normal life. Yet they did.

I remember thinking, when I would see my grandfather put on his tefillin, or pray to God, “What are you doing?” “How can you possibly believe in God after what you went through?” “And even if you did believe in God, why would you talk to Him three times a day, fast a few times a year, and do everything else that you are doing for a God who took away your whole family and did this to you?”

Those questions remained with me, albeit in the background, through high school and college.

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Aaron Liberman Makes NCAA Big Ten History

‘Jewish Dwight Howard’ the first player to sport a yarmulke during a game

By Stephanie Butnick for Tablet Magazine

Northwestern University basketball walk-on Aaron Liberman may have only played a single minute in Sunday’s game against the University of Michigan, and Northwestern may have been defeated 74 to 51, but the Orthodox player nicknamed the Jewish Dwight Howard still managed to make college basketball history. He’s the first Big Ten player to ever wear a yarmulke during a game.

Liberman, a graduate of LA’s Valley Torah High School, is the second yarmulke-sporting player in Division I basketball. The other, of course, is Tamir Goodman—the so-called Jewish Jordan—who played briefly for Towson University in the early 2000s (Goodman, who later played for Maccabi Tel Aviv, retired from professional basketball in 2009; he now teaches basketball clinics and has a line of sports-friendly mesh tzitzit).

The college freshman’s growing legend was fueled by a New York Times profile in January, which contrasted his diligent Torah study with his life on the court (plus the requisite tefillin-laying scene). Though the ‘Jewish Dwight Howard’ moniker might be a lot to foist upon a young player (see: Jewish Jordan), Liberman seems to be keeping his cool. And speaking of cool, he apparently has two game-day yarmulkes: purple and white, and purple and black, in keeping with the Wildcats’ color scheme.

Let’s go Wildcats? Let’s go Wildcats.

Why I Refuse to Straighten My Hair

By Florina Rodov for Raising Kvell

Xiomara and Isleidy wiped tears from their eyes, Stacy’s sniffles quickly deteriorated into sobs, and even the boys tried valiantly not to cry. My tough inner city sophomores were viscerally affected by Elie Wiesel’s heartbreaking Holocaust memoir, Night, which we just finished reading. I was about to become a waterfall myself when Stacy blurted out, “Miss, when you gonna blow your hair out?” causing everyone to laugh and lifting the somber mood.

The subject of my hair was a recurring one in class; the girls desperately wanted my wild curls tamed into smooth tresses. They repeatedly offered hairdressers’ numbers, then frustrated by my inaction, took matters into their own hands. One morning, at 7:30 a.m., Xiomara, Isleidy, and Stacy marched into my class while I was getting ready for the day and ambushed me with a flat iron. I almost gave in, since the attack was so well orchestrated, but ultimately hid in the closet until they put the weapon away. When asked why I resisted, I responded with girl power clichés like “Be yourself!” and “Rock what you’ve got,” but because I never meaningfully addressed the issue, the nagging continued.

But now, inspired by my students’ connection to Night, I was ready to dive into history, identity, and why I refuse to straighten my hair.

Interestingly, my Jewish curls are similar to their Dominican ones, but mine are red, while theirs are black. And hair was not the only thing connecting us. Washington Heights, in upper Manhattan, where our high school was located and where most of my students lived, was populated by Dominicans and Jews, yet the two rarely interacted despite a shared history.

I explained that in 1938 President Roosevelt organized a 32-nation conference to address the resettlement of Jewish Holocaust refugees. Only the Dominican Republic was willing to take them in. As a result, over 500 Jews settled in Sosua, a rural area on the north coast of the Caribbean island. Ironically, the Dominican dictator Rafael Trujillo, who had brutally murdered his own people, saved Jews in order to whiten up the dark-skinned population of the country. While Trujillo was pleased with the intermarriages, he must have been disheartened that the curly hair, for the most part, would remain the same.

“Do all Jews have curly hair?” Isleidy asked.

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My Daugher's Bat Mitzvah

How will you make your son's or daughter's significant birthday significant? 

 

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