Your Inner Teenager

I have always had a covert attraction to the "Wicked Child" of the Seder. Maybe it was the totally-out-of-place pictures smack at the beginning of the Passover Haggadah. Here we were celebrating the Exodus from Egypt, and there's a picture of some ruffian (always with a cigarette) teasing our imagination. It seemed so out of place. It made a profound impact on my young mind. Perhaps that's why I became a rabbi. After all, I didn't want to turn out like that wicked son. On the other hand, part of me definitely did; after all, he was so cool looking.

After years of study and concealed longing, I found that I was not alone in my "Wicked" appreciation. The four children of the Haggadah are actually taken straight out of the Bible. There are four different dialogues (okay, one is really a monologue) in four different places of how to respond to our children. And here is the amazing thing, in the Passover Haggadah we start with the Wise Son. But if we take a look in the Torah, the very first son who is given attention is the Wicked Son!

And it shall come to pass when you come to the land which G‑d will give you, according to His promise, that you shall keep this service of observing Passover. And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say to you, "What the heck are you guys doing?" —Exodus 12:25-26 (paraphrased)

This refers to the wicked son. —Rashi

The entire family is together doing one thing; in walks this child and rejects whatever it is that is going on. Sounds to me like the archetypical teenager. (If you are a teenager, I mean no offense. Since you are reading this article, you are atypical.)

Why does the Torah start with this child? Of all of the possible types of responses that our children may have through the generations, this is the first one? And even before we leave Egypt, G‑d is telling us that in the future, your kids will give you lip. I guess it is full disclosure.

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Preparing with your teen for Passover

This year we are slaves. Next year, may we all be free. --Passover Haggadah

Each year, through the Passover seder, we re-enact the experience of our people’s liberation from slavery to freedom. The Haggadah commands us that in every generation we are to experience the seder as if we ourselves went out from Egypt to freedom. The seder reminds us that while we are not literally slaves, our freedom may be affected by old attitudes, negative thoughts, overwhelming worries or out-of-sync values. “Slavery does offer a certain freedom that can be attractive: the freedom from responsibility for yourself and others, the freedom from having to establish goals, figure out how to reach them, or think beyond the moment. It takes strength and guts to walk out of a known situation, which for all its pain, is predictable. It is human nature to want to stay put within the stability of the status quo.” (Ross, “Self Liberation” in Celebrate! The Complete Jewish Holiday Handbook) But Judaism has never been satisfied with the status quo and each year, with the coming of spring and the acknowledgement of new growth and renewal, we remind ourselves and teach our children that freedom is a worthy goal. For teens who are gaining more freedoms, the holiday can teach the message that freedom also comes with responsibility. For our ancestors in Egypt, freedom meant entering into a covenantal relationship with God. It was only after we were freed that we were given the Ten Commandments, which obligated us in ways that continue to forge our relationship with the Divine.  Like our ancestors in Egypt, we can escape from the things that enslave us, the things that hold us back. Once the Israelites encountered God and saw that God could bring them into freedom, “they gave up the comfort of the familiar, without concern for provisions or how they would get to or exist at their destination. They left Egypt because they believed a better life awaited them elsewhere. As Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav counseled, when you are about to leave [Egypt] ‘mitzrayim’ you should not worry about how you will manage in a new ‘place.’ Anyone who does or who stops to get everything in order for the journey will never pick himself or herself up.” (Ross)  Questions to think about:

Parents and teens often have unique struggles over the issue of freedom. Below are some questions to help you explore the issue together.
What makes a person free?
In what ways are you enslaved?
What does it mean for you as a teen when you get new freedoms?
What does it mean to you as a parent to give your teens new freedom?
What would you like to be freed from in this coming year?
How can we help each other gain new freedoms? Work together to identify those responsibilities your teenagers must undertake as they enjoy more freedoms and what your teens can do to alleviate concerns you face as you allow more freedom.

Write a prayer to include in your seder During Passover, we celebrate and thank God for delivering us from Egypt by singing Dayeinu (It would have been enough). We enumerate each step along the way, recognizing that each one was a miracle—parting the sea, providing for us in the desert, giving us Shabbat, bringing us to Mount Sinai, giving us the Torah, and more. At this time of year, while we remember our own oppression and redemption from Egypt, we often forget that Jews around the world are still oppressed whether by their governments or as a result of the economies they live in. Take some time with your family to learn about these communities. The American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee has information about Jewish communities all over the world who have yet to experience all the freedoms we have come to cherish. Learn about a few and then write a prayer to include in your seder that will teach your family and friends about this community as you pray that they may soon know the freedom that you do.

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Negotiating with Teens

Negotiating with teens when they say “been there, done that!”

The entire school was taking a trip to the relatively new National Museum of American Jewish History, located in Philadelphia. The museum, with thousands of historic treasures, interactive exhibits, and multi-media presentations, has caused many people to say that they could spend days there and not see everything.

Yet, we heard that one student, when he learned about the trip, went home and confidently told his mother: “I don’t want to go. I've lready been to the museum once.”

The comment above is not specific to the museum. It is a catch phrase for all things that kids think they've already done, if they've done it once.

I remember working with a student on his course selections for the coming year. I suggested a class that I thought he’d find really interesting, based on his background. He didn't ask me any clarifying questions, and without missing a quarter-note, told me assertively: “I don’t need to take that class, I've already taken Talmud!”

Put in whatever word works for you here, so that the comment would be equally humorous:

“I don’t need to take that class, I've already taken engineering.” (architecture, medicine, fine arts, or any area of study that could be endlessly interesting if someone had the interest).

So, how as parents and educators do we get past the “been there, done that” syndrome?

With patience, explanations, and the confidence that we know better.

We should never assume because someone is in school, that there is a deep understanding of the process of learning.

We need the confidence to communicate that when it comes to learning anything, revisits are important and necessary. Gaining depth of a subject matter, seeing things again from a new perspective, is a good thing.

Let’s think about that, and let that very thought bring sweet smiles to our faces when we meet at our Seder tables and hear “But we did this last year!”

Santa Fe's Crypto-Jews, Illustrated

Quick, name 3 centers of Jewish culture. New York, Los Angeles and Tel Aviv? Why not include Santa Fe, New Mexico?

A new graphic novel, El Iluminado, depicts present-day Santa Fe as the center of a thriving, yet hidden Jewish world: the land of the crypto-Jews, who emigrated from Spain after the expulsion in 1492. These Jews, known as conversos, practiced Judaism in secret after public conversions to Christianity.

Written by Amherst College professor Ilan Stavans and illustrated by Steve Sheinkin, El Iluminado starts with a mysterious death in the desert outside Santa Fe. An academic expert on conversos – a character named Ilan Stavans – is drawn into the mystery and New Mexico's unseen Jewish world by a woman who believes the death is connected with the secret papers of Luis de Carvajal the Younger, a crypto-Jew burned at the stake in 1596.

El Iluminado is a thriller reminiscent of both the Indiana Jones movies and The DaVinci Code, with its hidden religious symbols and breakneck pace. It abounds with obscure literary and historical references, including a 400-year-old Santa Fe church, the Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi, which plays a major role in unraveling the mystery.

Jewish Teen Giving Up By 52 Percent

Jewish teens in the United States who take part in the Jewish Teen Funders Network are making more charitable contributions, and they are giving mostly to Jewish causes.

Those are among the findings of the Jewish Teen Funders Network’s fourth annual “Where did the Money Go?” survey, which were released last week. The Jewish Teen Funders Network is an arm of the Jewish Funders Network, a non-profit service organization for philanthropists.

According to the survey, some 1,700 teens participated in Jewish teen foundations in 2011-12, the year the study covered.

Sixty percent of the teen foundation grants went to Jewish organizations, the survey found; top funding areas included youth/children, poverty, education and Jewish identity.

Collectively, these 50 teen foundations awarded 296 grants totaling $759,626 in 2011-12, a 52 per cent over the $499,445 awarded by 20 foundations in 2008-09.

“Our focus has always been on the educational value of Jewish teen philanthropy and the unique opportunity these programs give teens to explore Jewish values in the context of real-life issues,” said Ricky Shechtel, a JTFH co-founder. “They are learning through giving, and making a significant philanthropic impact as well.”

New App for Jewish Teens

Torah and tech have always gone together, as Chabad.org can attest. Now the third T - teens - is being thrown into the mix, thanks to a groundbreaking new app being launched next week at the annual CTeen (Chabad Teen Network) International Teen Shabbaton in New York.

The application - to be available for Apple iOs as well as Android - is the brainchild of California teenager David Z, who like most Gen Z (yes that's what they're called) is passionate about tech and the teen programs he has grown to love at his local Chabad chapter of CTeen, overseen by Rabbi Eli Baitelman, co-director of Chabad of Pacific Palisades, Cal.

The app features a variety of Jewish themed content directed at teens, combined with social features that are vital to the wired-in generation of teens who frequent programs at the more than 100 chapters of CTeens around the country. Photo galleries, video content and live chat sit side by side with Jewish themed content about holidays and heritage, all available at the mere tap - or slide - of a finger.

A Punk Fiddler

"In our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is crazy."

In most productions of Fiddler on the Roof Tevye delivers these opening lines ponderously, reflectively—a bit, you could say, maudlinly. But the teenage cast members of a recent New Jersey production took a slightly different tack. Under the auspices of Black Box Studios, a Teaneck theater company, the students presented an in-your-face, punk rendition that somehow manages to retain the spirit and charm of the original. Riffing on a theme suggested by director Matt Okin, the actors, starting with the very first lines, donned ripped jeans, snarled into microphones, and jumped around the suburban stage.

Theirs wasn't the first punk adaptation of Fiddler. In 2005, the Australian band YidCore released an album that paved the way for these Tri-state, mohawked Anatevkans. But the Jersey kids do something special: In their take on "Matchmaker," a charming song which in its original incarnation, always sounded more than a little desperate, Hodel is anything but. She demands that Yenta (and the audience) pick out a boy who's good enough for her. And in "Tradition," the villagers don't sound remotely belabored by their inheritance. On the contrary, they sound pretty darn enthusiastic.